there may be clouds outside, but i am walking on freaking sunshine. allow me to esplain. no…there is too much. let me sum up.
once upon a time, in the faraway land of montana, nestled between the bitterroot and sapphire mountain ranges of the northern rockies, there lived a girl. at times redheaded, always inquisitive, and bright, she studied quietly through the years of secondary education. she dreamed of college far away from her small, provincial town. she dreamed of adventure. and so, in the autumn of the third year of the new milennium, she set out to find it.
it was to colorado she first went, with the intent to study the makeup of the human genome. but it was not the poetic codes of deoxyribonucleic acid or the transcription of rna that stole her heart — it was the whispering voices across the pages of history that wooed her away from the study of things unseen to the study of things that came to pass long before her body came into being in this wide world.
she followed this quiet urging across continents, spanning oceans and languages. on her tongue danced the purring rumble of the poles and the silibant consonants and sharp vowels of the germans. her ears became accustomed to spanish, french, danish, finnish, hungarian, italian, and russian. turkish and japanese, farsi and afrikaans. flemish and catalan and portuguese.
she explored the world of her books. for two years she remained estranged from her native shores before returning to seek the record of her studies…only to have it denied. for another long year, she toiled until she had completed almost half again the required amount of study, and still they said her nay.
but lo, as spring blossomed in the ninth year of the twenty-first century, hope glimmered on the horizon. a thousand miles away from her university and striving to move farther still, determination grew in her bosom. after sleepless nights and pounding heart, she feverishly prepared for the two final examinations that would decide her fate in the academic world. and then, at long last, the days arrived. the first test brought her through the folds of american history. civil rights and the cold war were the topics that surfaced, and when the time was called, she wearily awaited her fate.
her heart leaped as her score was reported. she passed with a healthy margin! the next week went by as she studied for the final examination — a survey in mathematics. the subject had long been the bane of her existence. she had avoided it with every ounce of her being. she had no way to measure her progress — her crumbling guide failed her, offering no indication of what socre she ought expect. unable to sleep, she tossed in fitful anxiety the eve before the final examination. the day dawned dreary and grey, with swollen clouds threatening rain above the sprawling edifices of nashville town. nerves alight, she made her way to the center of testing to face her fear. frightened that the pages would dissolve to squiggles before her eyes, she tried to calm her shaking fingers.
the test passed in a blur, and her heart pounded in her breast as she waited. a few assinine questions stood between her and certainty. she answered with impatience and finally clicked the azure button to report her scores. she needed 50 to pass.
61. sixty-one! excitement bubbled up, clear and pure. she floated out of the center, ready to face the day. she was finally done.
and that, ladies and germs, is a faithful narrative of how i feel right now. after five and a half painstaking, headdesking years, i’m finally done with my bachelor’s degree. i may be $40,000 in debt, and it may have taken me forever and a day of fighting, squabbling, and ranting at my university to wrest my diploma from their clenched, unwilling fingers, but it is done. i’m done.