restless clarity

i’m not one much prone to metaphysics, nor am i a big proponent of serendipity, but every so often i have my moments.  maybe not a real metaphysical moment, in the sense that i’m not saying i have some sort of preternatural cognitive powers, more that i get the occasional gut feeling that often turns out to be correct.

i’m having one of those days.  often, oddly enough, it comes in the form of deja vu.  i’m sure that any spiritual guru (or lawrence fishbourne, for that matter), would try to explain that with some higher meaning, but for me, when it hits, i just get the lightning quick sense that i am doing exactly what i’m supposed to be doing.  that i’m right where i’m supposed to be, poised on the edge of something, or at the very least, moving in the right direction.

it happened a couple times today–one was during a conversation with my best friend.  i got the strongest wave of deja vu, feeling like i’d had that conversation with her in some other world or life or time, and that i knew exactly what it was that i needed to say.  i’m not sure my words meant much, but the feeling was pure and intense.

a bit later, it happened again.  maybe it’s the whirl of emotions sparking through me this week.  god knows there’s enough of that.  there is so much happening in my mind that i’m a veritable smorgasboard of feeling.  hope, nervousness, worry, excitement, trepidation, elation, joy, uncertainty–all of that crystalised today in my mind, into a moment of absolute jewel-like clarity.  i am exactly where i need to be. i am on the exactly right path, headed to something that will break away from the stagnation that has plagued me for the last year and a half, into something teeming with vitality and creativity and expression.

there will be progress and moving forward, change and metamorphosis.  i’ll be able to give of myself fully, to use my gifts to better the lives of others and share myself and my experiences.  what has brought me to this point will serve as a catalyst to propel me onward.

i’ll move.  i’ll shake.  live, forgive.  love.  with compassion and joy and desire.  passion and empathy and courage.  to move on and build with my hands and arms and mind, to build something bigger than myself.  to place pieces of this puzzle called life and see what they create.

i walk.  i talk.  i shop.  i sneeze.  i’m gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back.  there’s trees in the desert since you moved out, and i don’t sleep on a bed of bones.

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About Emmie Mears

Saving the world from brooding, one self-actualized vampire at a time.

Posted on 5 March, 2009, in snapshots life, thoughts and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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