i’ve always liked that word: trepidation. it has always seemed to sum up the feeling it describes. it feels like being poised on the edge of a cliff blindfolded, not knowing what to expect next. tingles of anticipation, swirls of anxiety, rumbles in the stomach.
trepidation is exactly the adjective for how i feel right now.
two weeks from today, my life will change. or it will grind to the deafening silence of anticlimax. we’ll see. it’s the waiting that’s getting to me.
only two more weeks, but i can’t seem to get past the wondering. my life could change so much, or it could stay relatively the same. this one decision, made by a committee of people whom i have never met, will change so many different facets of my life that i’m not sure what to do with myself. i’d bite my nails if i thought it would make a difference, but that’s a habit i never picked up.
it’ll change my location, my job, my housing. my relationships. everything. maybe it will even change my future. i really don’t know. and i won’t know until two weeks from today which directly my life will take, where that drop in front of me will let me fall. or even if–two weeks from now, i may well find myself high-stepping onto a flat surface.